I Have To Go Away

Well, I Just told my mother that I have to go away. I can’t be here anymore. I want to take the semester off and leave somewhere out of here. I have to get away from this life. I can’t deal with this anymore. I know how much I can take and I know I can’t take this anymore.

God knows I tried but I can’t anymore.

I know it’s stupid to leave school for a semester, I know. I am a straight A student and school is my passion. So for me to say that, is a big thing. However, I know what I need at this moment and I know it’s to get away from it all.

If I stay, I know I won’t make it. This depression will be the end of me. I like school and I want to graduate but I also want to get better. I want to have a chance of making it. Right now, my mental health and well-being is more important than school or money. It’s taking me a whole lot to say this.

My mother, of course, reacted angerly. I don’t blame her. I don’t need my parent’s approval, I need their understanding. My family and friends and you guys need to understand why I’m doing this.

I know that my parents will be disappointed because I was the “good” child. The one that never got in trouble, the one that got straight As, the one that spent her entire day studying, etc. Now, they know that I have been severely depressed for months. I guess you can even say my entire life. I don’t go out. I don’t have friends. I don’t have anything. Which has always alerted my parents because I wasn’t “normal.” But now, the depression has gotten worse. All I do is sleep, sometimes I don’t even want to blog. I feel like this is only contributing to my back pain and making it worse.

Right now, I hate my life. I need to get myself together.

Even if it’s not the “right” thing to do, please understand.

I love you all.

Liz.

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16 thoughts on “I Have To Go Away

  1. Thinking of you! Take some time for yourself to breathe and I hope you can come back feeling stronger for it ❤️ you have people around you that love and care for you, take care & big hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand this so much! I hope it all works out, just remember we’re here for you 💜 Honestly, I’m in a similar situation and want to get out of my home as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Lucie for all you support. All of your support has been amazing to me ❤ I wish you the best of luck too dear. Stay strong please. We can get through this!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Realizing you’re being too depressed and wanting to get better is good. If you are wanting to get better and you think stepping away from college will help, then do it. I completely understand. If you’ve always been a good student, then you will still be one when you get back. If your parents are frustrated and don’t understand, don’t think it’s your fault. I know life gets really tough and you just want to walk away. Getting away is good, but staying away for too long can prevent you from moving forward. Really think it through to decide what’s best for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for understanding, Celia. Yes, I do want to get better and I don’t think I can do it here. I don’t think I can continue with school and life on top of dealing with my depression. I’m definitely thinking over my decision and it does make me anxious. Thanks for the support and advice ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If taking a break from school is what you need to do to recover, do it. Absolutely. I was a straight A student for years and I put myself under so much pressure it almost killed me because I was too proud to say “I need time off from this”. School will still be there when you feel able to go back! There’s no weakness in putting you mental health before your grades, I would say there’s actually a lot of bravery in doing so, in a society that stigmatises mental illness so much. And honestly, your parents aren’t the ones taking the college course, you are, so you know what’s best for yourself.

    One thing I’d really advise though is taking some clear steps towards recovery in your time off. Otherwise you might end up sinking further into depression because being unproductive makes you feel guilty. Are you in therapy at all? I know it can be daunting but some people find it really beneficial to talk to someone who’d completely neutral, unlike friends or parents. Maybe try to plan out what you’re going to do in the next few weeks ahead of time, even if it’s just “I’ll go to the store today” or “I’ll check my emails today”. A schedule may make you feel more organised and in control of things.

    All the love once again ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you so much for all your support and advice ❤️ Yes, I think that right now my mental health is more important than school. At this moment, it is.

    Oh yes, I need to focus on getting better while I am away. And no, I am not in therapy or anything. But I’ll definitely need to think about what I’m going to do over there to get better!

    Thank you for all the advice Hun ❤️

    Like

  6. I’m really gonna miss you this is my other account you might know me at my thinspo track but I really gonna miss you but I think it’s great to take a break you do what you have to do to get better

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for understanding! I’m really trying to stay strong but right now I just don’t know what the “right” or “wrong” thing to do is. Thank you so much for all your support Hun ❤️ Which is your thinspo account? Omg 😮

      Like

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