Every time I take a step forward, I end up taking two steps back

Hey loves,

I feel so emotional right now. I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to talk to someone and have them listen and care. I wish I had someone to talk to.

I had a pretty rough week, and this one will probably be just as rough. I had and have so much homework, family issues, and emotional problems.

I was doing so fine but it seems that every time I end up taking a step forward, I end up taking two steps back. I hate myself for doing this.

Just a couple weeks ago, I was doing so fine. Yesterday, and this entire past week, I’ve just been so horrible. So stressed. So tired of life. I wish I was someone else, somewhere else, living a completely different life.

I hate myself for ruining my life. I use to be so happy and bubbly. Now, I’ve turned into a monster. I’m always depressed and crying or angry and rude. There is no in-between. I hate myself for it.

I hate that I’m a woman so I have to be the bigger person. I have to be the one that moves on. I have to be the one to suck it. I have to be the one that pretends to be okay. Well, I am so fucking tired of pretending.

I am NOT okay. I am hurting so much. I hate myself.

I hate that I can’t be happy anymore. At least not genuinely happy. I can only pretend to be happy.

I don’t even try anymore. I just don’t care anymore.

Yeah, I said it: I am not okay and I’m tired of pretending to be okay.

Love,

Liz.