Yesterday, I received some pretty negative comments on some of my last posts. These were mainly concerning my past relationship and breakup. I was planning to write a post about it later on this week (I’ve been incredibly busy) and this just made me want to write it sooner. Enjoy!
On Halloween, I was having a pretty lonely day. I was all by myself and I felt so alone and sad. I was craving attention or at least someone to talk to. I happen to find my ex-boyfriend in the building and I follow up to see if he could chat. We start walking around campus and we head over to our usual spot. Back when we were dating, we would always hang around our school’s pond and sit on the benches next to the ducks. We started talking about our past relationship and how much we miss each other. Of course, talking lead to kissing and that lead to a full-on makeout session. When I realized that I had to leave, we walked back over to campus and started talking. I started talking about us getting back together and all and he kept saying no and that he didn’t want to be with me.
All these mixed messages have me super confused.
I know I shouldn’t have kissed him. I also know that he is probably just using me for his own physical desires. I was just so confused. One moment he’s telling me that he thinks I look good, that he is sorry, that he misses me, and we’re kissing. The next moment, he’s telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me and that he has feelings for another girl. Men are so confusing.
He’s always posting on his social media about how he is flirting with other girls and all the crushes he has. As a matter of fact, that day I saw him flirting with another girl and later on he posted it on Twitter. I don’t understand why he would do that if he knows I follow him!
I know that he is just using me and I feel so stupid for falling for his stupid tricks. My friends keep pointing out that I’m better than him and I deserve better. One keeps saying that he’s abusive. I didn’t know exactly what she meant but I did a little research and to be honest, he does seem abusive. Our relationship did seem to be abusive, not so much physical abuse but definitely emotional/mental abuse. I guess when you’re in love you are blinded by all these things. The little signs like not wanting me to talk to other guys, constantly accusing me of cheating, always looking over my texts/messages, always making me feel bad, and all the insults he said to me.
At the time, I didn’t realize this but now I think I do. I think that this is seriously affecting me now. I really think I need counseling because I’ve doing things that I’ve never done before. I haven’t gotten over my ex and I am NOT okay. I need help, I just don’t want to get it. I’ll talk about this in my next post!
I just want to leave you guys with an important article talking about domestic abuse and some of the signs: http://www.ncadv.org/learn-more/what-is-domestic-violence/abusive-partner-signs
Please give this a read!