Welcome Back Anxiety

Hey loves,

I just wanted to share what I did this week. Enjoy!

I didn’t really do anything interesting this week. It was a pretty bland and boring week. Just the normal class and homework things that are just a part of my life.

Yesterday I was a bit disappointed, though. For about a week, I had planned to go and get food with a friend. I was totally fine with it since I love burgers. We had originally planned to go yesterday evening, so of course, I showed up earlier. We planned to meet up at school (comfort zone) and then go and get burgers.

I didn’t really think anything of it until…. I asked around and apparently everyone seemed to think it was a ‘date.’ That caused me to freak out. It’s not that I don’t think guy is a good person or anything, it’s just that I’m not interesting in ‘dating.’ I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. It’s nothing to do with him, I honestly don’t want anything to do with the ‘dating’ market for a long time to come.

I started freaking out, and that’s when I felt my anxiety start to kick in again (great). I usually worry about little things that mean nothing and I have irrational thoughts of something bad happening. Then, I start to talk very fast and can’t breathe. Finally, I start shaking, moving around, and sweating because it’s ‘too hot.’ I had no reason to freak out at all, I just started overthinking the entire situation.

Eventually, I’m pretty sure one of our friends told him that I was freaking out about the whole thing. Point in case, he did’t show up. Not exactly sure why but I waited and I messaged him and nothing. I’m not sure what happened but I came down to 3 conclusions. A) My anxiety scared him away. B) He was disappointed when he found it that I didn’t think it was a ‘date.’ C) All of the above.

I definitely think he probably was disappointed because I didn’t want it to be a date so he decided not to even show up if that was the case. But I also think my anxiety was largely at play here. Maybe if I hadn’t freaked out, no one would have said anything. Maybe this entire thing would have turned out very differently. But I will never know that. My anxiety is a part of me. It’s not something I can ‘get rid off.’ It’s always there. I realized that it takes a special guy to be able to handle me since I am ‘special.’ My friends know how to deal with me because they know me and my anxiety. However, other people just see a pretty girl and they don’t know anything about the real me. I really do come with a package and need someone to constantly be claiming me down.

I was a just bit disappointed but it’s not a huge deal. I’ll just shake it off lol. But hey, let’s welcome back my anxiety and panic attacks. Yay! *Note the sarcasm*

On a completely unrelated note, I’m thinking about buying an iPad mini. But as usual, I don’t know what to get and I have a hard time making a decision. I’ve never had an iPad before and I think this would be a nice time to get once since the one I’m looking at isn’t too expensive. That would be really awesome! If anyone has any experience with an iPad mini 2 or any other iPad mini, that would be great.

Well, until next time.

Love,

Liz

 

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